Blind, unseeing
by Notemaker
Summary: RH dont know what to call it...Ruth is naughty but not how your all thinkng. R&R and Enjoy x ps sorry for being mean to them x
1. Chapter 1

She knew it was wrong, in theory it was but in reality it had felt so right.

He was married and she was seeing someone, someone who happened to be her boss and who thought no fault of his own loved her.

But there she was standing there. Regardless, shaking, none the less, in the long red dress she had borrowed from Jo.

She had been lying to everyone, to Jo saying she was going to a school reunion, to Harry he same lie this time.

She had been lying to him an awful lot.

It made her sick to think he trusted her and she was abusing him in such an awful way.

She had abused his trust completely.

He would never forgive her after this.

She had met him on the bus, the same bus that Harry had found her on.

It had been busy, she had sat next to him, he commented on her book, they had made small talk, and had gotten off.

It was raining that night and she had forgotten her umbrella, he offered to walk her home, she accepted.

It had all been so easy, she had fallen for his quick wit and easy charm.

They walked and walked, round the block past her house numerous times.

The more they walked the more interesting the conversation became and the more he flirted with her.

She didn't stop him, it was harmless, it wouldn't go any further, at lest not that night.

They stood on her doorstep, huddles out of the rain, laughing at some pitiful joke, a slip of the tongue perhaps, she didn't remember now.

She didn't remember the joke but as clear as day she remembered the next few seconds.

He had leant forward, cupped her chin, turning her face and kissed her, wet lips against hers, his damp fingers on her cheek.

Passionate but inconsequential it had taken her by surprise.

She had tried to keep the flush from her cheeks and bode him good night, in nothing short of a fluster.

She closed the door behind her and pushed her back against it, she had just shared a kiss with another man.

She never thought she would see him again, so thought no more of him.

Untill, a few days later he appeared next to her on the bis again.

Did he always get this bus she wondered?

She had never spotted him before, but now she searched for him any night she didnt spend with Harry.

The journey was always the same, the bus, the walk, the kiss.

It turned her stomach to think of it now.

How had she been so blind?

She was happy with Harry, wasnt she?

She had been but they had fallen in to a routine, it had become too comfortable, for spooks they had no excitment left in their lives.

In an attempt to reignight their fire he had asked her to move in with him, she declined, not really sure why.

This new man offered her something new, something exciting, the danger she had loved with Harry.

Being attached and conducting this affair gave her something she lacked in the rest of her life.

Adrenaline corsed through her veins when she boreded the bus each night.

Secret meetings, danger, dark corners, muffled conversation, fear of being found out, the risk it all involved was addictive.

He was married, she had a partner, both their jobs depended on their attachments.

They were risking everything for a kiss under the midnight sky.

Lying, risking, cheating, falling.

She thought he had been doing he same.

She was wrong.

Now she was stood shaking in the hotel, locked in the room, fearing for her life, no longer falling for this other man, wishing she hadn't been so blind.


	2. Chapter 2

**_No more candlelight  
No more romance  
No more small-talk  
When the hunger's gone _**

_**Rufus Wainwright ft Dido**_

"Jo" Ruth called out across the grid. "Can I ask a favour?"

"Depends what it is!" Jo taunted.

"I was wondering if I could borrow a dress, well, the dress you wore to last years Christmas party. You see I've got a school reunion next weekend and I need something to wear. Something gorgeous, something I wouldn't have worn back then."

"And that dress will do it?" She asked, not fully sure she believed the story.

"Well yes it looked amazing on you, I just hope I can do it half the justice it deserves." The flattery won her over. And with a quick smile Jo replied

"Well in that case, I'll bring it in tomorrow for you." She started to walk away the turned and asked. "Harry going with you?" Ruth could feel the heat rising in her face. So she turned to walk off in the opposite direction.

"No I thought I wouldn't put him through meeting all the ghastly characters I grew up with." She prayed she had kept the waver from her voice and that Jo would buy her little story.

Harry had not been so easy to win round.

She had told him she didn't really want to go but felt obliged, and that he shouldn't bother making the trip as it would be no fun anyway.

He had taken a lot of convincing but with a few well placed kisses and promises he had let her go.

He hadn't seemed to notice her reluctance to give him details or how distracted she had been over the last few weeks.

She must be covering it well; she didn't understand how one of the countries highest ranking spooks could not notice he was being cheated on.

Mind you it had happened before.

She had lied to him excessively to cover her tracks.

Working late when they worked in the same place wasn't an easy lie to tell.

She had been seeing old school friends or forgetting to feed the cats an awful lot.

That was probably why he had asked her to move in, so she could feed them at him. She didn't know if he sensed it, the lack of lust between them now.

They had started out not able to keep their hands off each other but their sex life had slowly become dissatisfying to her.

She found it hard to believe when she thought it.

She had lusted after him so long and now she had him whenever she wanted she didn't want him at all.

She had loved his hands skimming her body and his lips drowning her cries but now she had to fake it to make him feel better.

It was no fault of his own, he had been an amazing revelation to her in the beginning, sex could be good, it want full of self satisfaction and fumbled gestures.

He had made her tremble, made sure she always enjoyed it and never been selfish.

It made her sick, lying, but she realised quite early on she could lie to him and he would swallow it without difficulty.

He had told her once she was a born spook, if only he knew how true this was.


	3. Chapter 3

"**_I'm not the sort of person who falls in and quickly out of love  
But to you, I give my affection, right from the start.  
I have a lover who loves me - how could I break such a heart?  
Yet still you get my attention."_**

_**Joan Armatrading**_

She had finished work on the Friday and gone home to pack her back. It took half an hour. She didn't need much, she never did.

Harry picked her up at nine for dinner before she went. He kissed her as she got into the car, lightly on her cheek. She flushed, but not from the kiss. His smile so warm and loving, he pulled off. He switched the station on the radio to some easy quiet music. They sat in silence, they always did. No small talk when he drove, another detail she didn't understand about them.

They pulled up at her favourite restaurant, she turned to him and smiled, she hoped he couldn't tell it was fake. Under normal circumstances she would have been ecstatic, but tonight she was on the verge of tears. She didn't let it show.

He got out of the car while she sat stealing herself for what she was doing to him. What was she doing? A few stolen kisses? A few meals in a downtown restaurant? And now a weekend away, alone, together. It all amounted to nothing really, nothing physical had happened beyond a few kisses. But mentally she had betrayed him at the deepest level, even now it made her sick as she planned to run away for a weekend.

What she expected from the weekend she didn't know. Did she want to fall completely for this man? To get confirmation that her feelings for Harry had completely dissolved? She didn't know what she wanted and that was dangerous. She knew what he wanted though. What did most men want a weekend away with their mistresses for?

She jumped as he opened her door, taking her hand and pulling her up out of the car.

"My lady" He said with a smile as she rose out of the seat.

They walked hand in hand to the doors, he gave his name at the reception and they were lead to her favourite table. He treated her so well, he knew exactly what she wanted, needed, liked. What did this new man know? Nothing.

How she was managing to stay there sat at the table, her hand in his, she didn't know. They made small talk and ordered drink and food. His foot gently sweeping over hers under the table. A look of sheer adoration in his eyes. Did he see hers cooling? Grey and cold, distracted?

Their starters came and went, he poured another glass of wine, white burgundy, and they drank nothing else. It was one of their little traditions after their first date, something she doubted would ever change. With a knowing smile from the waiter and their main courses Harry began to quote a famous philosopher. She couldn't stand it any more. His intellect was her favourite thing, the attribute she loved more than anything. The way he made her feel secure in her own knowledge.

She could feel the tears burning behind her eyes. Feigning a choke on her food, she excused her self, running towards the bathroom. Locking herself in a cubicle she registered the look of concern she had seen on his face when she coughed. Sometimes she wanted to see contempt for her there, she deserved it. He didn't hold it for her though. She didn't know if he was capable of it. She wished he was, she wished he was doing the same to her. Hurting her in this way, letting her be taken in by his lies and deceit. But he wasn't.

She sat shaking, wishing she could stop it, tears burning. She scalded her self for doing this. She wasn't supposed to feel like this. She was the bitch; she wasn't allowed to cry over this. It was her own doing, her own fault. She was being so damn selfish, and she hated herself for it. She composed herself and returned to the table. He asked if she was ok, she replied that she was fine.

They finished the meal and he drove her home. He got out of the car to walk her to the door; he automatically locked it knowing she would invite him in. They entered her house and followed their usual routine, a drink, a kiss, and the retreat upstairs, the slow, intimate love making. Tonight she cried as he came inside her, the tears flowing down her face. He held her close to him, not asking her why. His arms around her, keeping her safe, keeping her warm, reminding her of what she was at risk of losing. He laid her down next to him and whispered "Sleep don't weep" and brushed a tear from her face. She smothered her face into the pillow to still her sobs.


	4. Chapter 4

"_**How could you lead me on**_

_**Then tear my whole world right in two**_

_**I thought you were my friend**_

_**Then you let me down"**_

_**Danni Leigh**_

The next morning she had woken early and extracted herself from the bed sheets. She had dressed as silently as she could, written a note, taken her bag and left. If he heard her he didn't stir. If he heard the engine roar after the door click shut she didn't know. She hoped he wouldn't dwell on her too much this weekend. She turned to look at this new man, his jaw was chiselled, his skin tanned and his eyes a steely blue that rivalled hers. This time she reached over and kissed him. Her hand holding his chin and her lips on his. Her heart was torn by what she left behind and where she was going, but she felt a wave of relief as they pulled off.

It wasn't until later she started to have her suspicions. He had mentioned something about people spying on others, watching their lives, surveying their comings and goings. She hadn't thought anything of it at the time but she was sure he had looked at her to gauge her reaction. He didn't know what she did for a living, she had used a legend, and he didn't even know her name. Laura McLaughlin she had told him. Laura McLaughlin, the civil servant. He had believed her; he had no reason no to. But that look had stirred something in side of her; the spook in her told her there was something unspoken there,

Once they had checked in to their room she had excused herself to the bathroom, she surveyed the white marble, the fluffy towels, and the complementary toiletries. She smiled as examined herself in the mirror. Her skin was almost glowing, her eyes sparkled, she hadn't looked like this for months, not since her birthday when Harry had surprised her. Her face dropped at the thought, Harry, the tears welled up again. No she scalded her self, she couldn't cry again not here and not now. She left the bathroom and witnessed the next sight that put doubts in her mind. He was standing on the bed, reaching above the wardrobe and running his hand across the top. He looked to her to be performing a classic sweep for bugs. Why would an advertiser perform a sweep? She shrugged it aside when he jumped off the bed, landed lightly in front of her pulled her in and kissed her. She had forgotten all about it when he had pushed her down on to the bed and kissed her again. When he moved down her neck and extracted the buttons of her shirt from their holes. When his hands touched her breasts and his tongue flicked over her nipple. When his fingers ran down her side pushing her skirt down to the floor. When he took his trousers off, kicking them across the room. When she pulled his shirt over his head. When he kissed her stomach and licked his way down her. When his tongue had ventured inside her, winding inside her, thrilling her. When He stopped just short of her orgasm and had squared up to her once more. When she had shuddered as he entered her, him pulsing inside of her, thrusting vigorously. When she arched her back as he pushed her over the edge, electrifying her senses. When she bit down on his shoulder as waves of pleasure coursed through her body. She had completely forgotten when she felt him spread his warmth inside her and cried out his name in delight. She didn't even remember once she had calmed down and left him on the bed and dressed.

It would be a shame she had said to spend the whole weekend in the room, enjoyable as that could be. The hotel he had informed her was set in 5 acres of grounds, 2 acres of which was wood land, there was a lake too with little boats you could row out. It being late spring this idea had inspired her. What was more romantic than a boat ride and some poetry? They made their way to the lake and spent a good few hours rowing around it, reading to each other.

They returned to the room to dress for dinner. He was ready before her so went to check their reservation. She had donned the dress she had borrowed from Jo and slipped her feet in to a pair of new shoes. As she inspected herself in the mirror she took a step back to gain a full view, and knocked his bag off the side. She reprimanded herself for being so clumsy and picked it up. As she did so a file had slipped out of a pocket on the side. It was a file remarkably similar to the ones she saw everyday. It had a name on it hers. Her heart stopped momentarily and her breath caught. With a fleeting look to check the door was still closed she opened it. Pulling out sheets of paper with names and places detailed photographs of her, and of Harry. She flicked through them scanning each sheet. When she got to the last one her breath became short and her eyes welled up again. She reached for her telephone and dialled the only number that she could remember right now. It was all falling into place, the looks, the glances, the way he talked, the way he questioned her, the things he knew that she hadn't told him. She had resigned everything to the back of her mind, telling herself that alone they were all insignificant but now together they made a full, coloured picture.

The ringing was cut through by his silky smooth voice "Enjoying yourself?" He asked. She couldn't speak, not knowing how she was going to explain this. She gulped and gripped the phone with both hands, staring at the file on her lap.

"Ruth? Is that you?"

"Um…Yes It is…Harry…" Her voice shaking, what could she say?

"Are you alright? What's wrong?"

"Harry I lied… I'm sorry… Its just…I'm not…Oh god."

"Ruth slow down, take a breath and tell me what's wrong." His voice calm and soothing, it was not what she needed.

"I've been lying to you Harry, I'm so sorry, really." She was shaking again.

"What do you mean? About the reunion?" His voice stern now.

"Yes. And so much more."

"What are you saying Ruth?"

"There is no reunion and ….and I've been seeing someone else." Silence, he didn't talk. She wondered what he was thinking.

"I've been so stupid, so blind Harry he's not who I thought he was…He's…." Then he heard it the incessant tone when someone hangs up. She dialled again but was hit with a beeping. He had taken the phone off the hook. She dialled his mobile but was cut off after a few short rings. She dropped her mobile and the tears flowed down her face. Droplets fell over the photograph on her lap, slashing, blurring his face. She needed to tell him what was happening, she needed him, she needed him when she had let him down so much. She needed his help, now more than ever before but she knew he wouldn't come to her even if she begged. She picked up her mobile again. Dialled her own house, if she knew him he would go round to empty it of his things before she retuned. She hoped he would listen to the messages; it was her only hope now.

"Hi, I'm not at home right now so leave a message and I'll get back to you" She registered the tone and spoke quickly knowing she only had 30 seconds to get everything across.

"Harry, If your listening to this, I'm sorry I really am, I know you wont forgive me after this but I need your help. I'm at a hotel called the Mason, in Oxford, with a man called John Phillips, at least I think that's his name. I've been seeing him on and off for a few weeks, anyways I've just found a file in his things. It's all about me, me and you he's been ordered to.. to…" It clicked, she was out of time and she hadn't gotten everything across.

"Put the phone down" She spun round to find him stood in the door way, pointing a gun in her direction. He moved towards her closing the door behind him. "Think you're a clever spook do you, good at your job? You were easy, so easy to blind it was unbelievable and you've just done the job for me." He took the file from her still pointing the gun at her.

"What?" She was shaking.

"What? What?" He mocked. "You still haven't got it have you?" He laughed.

"I was 6 your 5, my old boss wants your boss dead. Said he meddled in his life almost a year ago. Saved your pathetic life he did, and destroyed his. Now you've done the job for me, you luring him here, makes it so much easier for me to dispose of him." He laughed at the horror that spread across her face.

How could she have been so blind?


	5. Chapter 5

Ok heres chapter 5. Sorry for making Ruth such a bitch...but this man is good at his job. R&R and try to enjoy x

* * *

**"What I am to you is not real  
What I am to you you do not need  
What I am to you is not what you mean to me"**

**Damien Rice**

Harry turned the key in her door. He knew he shouldn't be here, not with out her, it was disrespectful.

Respect? After what he had done she didn't deserve respect.

He slammed the door behind him as he entered the darkness of her hall. He reached out and flicked the lamp on. Light spread through the room. It didn't feel the same any more. It used to feel warm, inviting, enveloping. It used to draw him in, the homeliness filling, the Ruthness comforting. Now the sights and smell made him sick. The picture of them on her side turned his stomach. They were smiling at each other, gazing happily into the others eyes. He pushed it making it topple off the dresser, smashing on the floor. The shards of glass now ran across their faces, separating them like she had. He was surprised at how comforting he found this. It felt like a tiny sip of revenge.

He walked in to her kitchen, the glass crunching under his feet as he went. On her fridge there was another picture of them, this one of her gazing over at him during a house party a few months ago, and a receipt from their first dinner date. Another wave of anger coursed through him and he ripped them down, crumpling them as he formed a fist, and then threw them across the room. He crumbled as it hit the wall. Slumping down into a hard, wooden chair he stared at the ball. How could she do it? He loved her more than anything and thought she felt the same for him. The prospect of a weekend without her had all but killed him. He had worried she would get lost, would be lonely after the party. Stupid, stupid worries.

Her words still rang in his ears, repeating themselves over and over. The shake in her voice, the vulnerable tone, the heavy words. When she had announced she had been seeing some one else, his heart had skipped a beat. That was usually a sign of happiness and love. It was still a sign of love, but of love lost. He hadn't known what to do so he hung up, he didn't want to hear her voice anymore. A voice he usually relished in hearing. He didn't want to know the details. How long? Who with? Did she love him? He still wanted the answers just not now. He couldn't handle that many revelations in one night.

He got up again and made his way into her living room. He had tidied it before he left that morning, placing all the books back on the shelves in the right order just how she liked, straightened the throw on the settee and plumed the cushions on his favourite chair. He had wanted it to be nice for when she got home. He felt the anger rising again and threw the cushions on the floor; she didn't deserve to come back to a nice house, a tidy house. He picked up the few leather bound books that had made their way from his book case to hers and bode his chair farewell.

He took the stairs two at a time not wanting to stay a minute longer in her house than he needed. He found they draw she had started to use as his for when he stayed and emptied it on the bed. He folded what he needed in to a small pile and discarded what he didn't. He took the aftershave and toothbrush off her dressing table and added that to the pile.

He sat down slowly on the bed realising that she could have been here with him. That thought killed him a little bit more than any other had so far. The fact she had probably been sharing this bed with more than him. He could feel his hands shaking, the anger ran deep through his body, but instead of materialising in violence again he could feel tears burning the back of his eyes. One blink and they came pouring down. No one had hurt him like this before; never had a woman caused him to cry. His wife had cheated but he had deserved that, he had been cheating on her too, and it was a loveless relationship anyway. He had believed with all his heart that Ruth loved him, that she respected him and would be there for the rest of his life. His hand went involuntarily to his coat pocket and pulled out the small velvet box he had been carrying round for the last week. When Ruth had announced she would be spending a weekend away he had realised just how much he loved her. The prospect of 2 days without her had been more than he could comprehend, so in an effort to fill the hole she would be leaving he had decided to propose. He had planned everything; she would be returning on Sunday night, he was to surprise her by letting himself in to cook a meal. He would woo her like he had on their first date, talk of the same things, drink the same wine and cook the same meal. That first night had been so perfect. He wanted to be perfect for her because she was perfect for him.

He cursed himself for being so stupid, how had he been so blind?

He wiped away his tears and scooped up the pile of his things. He made hi way back downstairs slower than before. He realised this would be the last time he was in this house. Part of him was sad at that thought, he had spent so many happy times here, but all those memories now appeared to him tainted. He took one last look in each room, the kitchen with the scrunched up ball, the living room scattered with pillows and the hall covered in shards of glass. He flicked off the lamp again and went to open the door. There was a red flashing coming down the hall. It was the answer phone he realised; inconsequential to him now, anyone who rang her didn't have any connection to him any more. There was something stopping him though, something in the back of his mind that made him turn back to down the hall. He walked slowly to the machine and pressed the play button. He didn't know why. It whirred to life, a few clicks resounded from its speaker and the message began to play.

"_Harry,"_ it was her _"If you're listening to this, I'm sorry I really am, I know you won't forgive me after this"_ Too right he thought "_but I need your help."_ His help? She would need help but not his after he finished with her._ "I'm at a hotel called the Mason, in Oxford,"_ not the one he had told her the party was at, he noted_ "with a man"_ he braced himself _"called John Phillips, at least I think that's his name. I've been seeing him on and off for a few weeks,_" he didn't want to hear any more, that was enough information as he wanted, the other question he didn't want to now the answer to. _"Anyway I've just found a file in his things. It's all about me, me and you he's been ordered to... to…"_A file? Only people in their line of work took files away for dirty weekends.

He reached for his mobile.

"Adam?... I need to see you. …Yes now, can I come over?... I'll be there in ten minutes."

Harry hung up then pressed the eject button to take the tape. He dropped his pile of belongings and hurried out of the door.

She might have broken his heart, but the pieces still loved her. If she was in trouble he had to help.


	6. Chapter 6

This is dedicated to Fidget/Jcmac22 as she has helped me through a few sticky situations and some days where I didnt think this fic would pull through. thanks x

**Disclaimer- **very unfortunatly I dont own them...mind you thats probably a good job or they woud have ended up in this horrible situation.

P.s Sorry for being so mean to them R&R and Enjoy x

* * *

**"Am I all alone in the universe?  
There's no love on these streets  
I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway  
So this is my new freedom  
It's funny  
I don't remember being chained  
But nothing seems to make sense anymore"**

**Savage Garden**

She stirred but didn't open her eyes; she couldn't face the day ahead yet. She tried to rub her head but as she moved her arm every muscle in her body ached, she tried again and realised her arms were handcuffed above her head. The last thing she could remember was the sharp blow to her head, the gun handle connecting with her temple, sending shockwaves through her body.

Slowly she allowed her eyes to open, a stream of sunlight hit her directly causing her pupils to dilate. She turned her head to escape it, more agony. She surveyed what of her body she could from her awkward position. She was sat with her legs curled under her, her ankles and calves were black and blue, little circles of different shades plotted a dot to dot on her legs. The dress was torn to her waist and she could see she had no underwear on. She began to cry, she couldn't remember what had happened. That last memory, the last image must have been about 8 pm last night, judging by the light stream it was around mid day now. What had happened in those 16 hours? Oh god Harry. Her mind flashed to her phone conversation, had he got here? Had he been found by this, this gunman? Was he alright now? Oh God, it was all her fault. Why had she been so stupid so blind? The tears now splashed all over the bruises on her bare skin.

Through blurring eyes and aching pains she looked up trying to ascertain where she was. She was handcuffed to the bed, four poster it was so she had no way of freeing her self. Her shoes were strewed across the room and her knickers were at the foot of the bed. She looked down there were red marks across her chest, finger nails had been dug into her. Why if she had been out cold had he needed to make such marks on her? A sign of power maybe or had she been drugged? She hoped to God he has left some traces on her so when she was found, if she was found she could throw him to the dogs. The thought, if she was found, played on her mind. What if Harry didn't go to her house? What if he did but decided she wasn't worth worrying over? What if he had come and been killed? She knew they had booked the room for two nights so she had until around 11 am the next morning to wait if no one came for her, the chambermaid would come to clean the room. 22 hours away that was, at a guess.

The door clicked open and she whipped her head painfully round to see who it was. Her captor entered the room with a tray of food and drink, her stomach rumbled; she hadn't eaten since the previous morning. He set it down in front of her knowing she couldn't reach out to get it, and then knelt down beside the tray. "I guess lover boy doesn't love you at all" He growled "there's no sign of him, my watchers reported he went to your house picked up a few things, went to your friend Adam's house and then went home. He's been sat on his couch with a bottle of scotch since three this morning." She let out the breath she had been holding since he entered the room and tried to speak. All that came out was a ragged sob. "Awww thought he loved you did you? Who can blame him for not loving a bitch like you? A bitch that would happily leave him for a dirty weekend with her lover."

He reached for the plate of food, picking up a croissant and breaking a little piece off, the flakes fell helplessly to the floor and he placed his thumb on her cheek. He prised her mouth open and pushed the pastry between her teeth. "I suggest you eat, it may, depending on your boyfriends actions, be your last meal." She gulped and began to chew. The buttery flavour was tainted with a faint acidic taste. She knew she should stop eating, it was drugged, but her stomach grumbled so she carried on. At least this way she could spend her last few hours in oblivion. When she had finished, what she could only think of as the last supper he offered her some water, tipping it into her mouth. The cold liquid ran down her throat providing some relief from the disintegrating mesh of flakes that had stuck to the back of her throat. He set the glass down, reached out and ran his finger from her ankle up her leg, to the inside of her thigh. She drew her breath in and tried to kick him away but couldn't move the lower part of her body. His finger danced on the top of her thigh and he brushed her dress away. She could now see the extent of her bruises down there. The whole of her pelvis was smattered with little black marks; the insides of the thighs were covered in tiny red marks, friction burns. He had certainly made use of his time last night. She closed her eyes as he moved further up and leant in to kiss her neck. She tried desperately to think of something different when he pinned her back against the bed and pushed his fingers excruciatingly inside her. Her breath must have been rough because he stopped sucking on her neck and whispered quietly in her ear. "Not enjoying it now are you?". She flicked her eyes open. He was millimetres fro her, she had enough slack on the handcuffs to bang her elbows down in to the top of his head. As her elbow connected with his head he bit down on her neck, his teeth dug into her and he toppled to the side. She wasn't strong up the force came from with in, a feeling of relief washed over her for a few seconds but he soon stirred.

"That was a very bad idea."

* * *

Harry had drawn up at Adams at around 10pm. He had stayed for a good 5 hours, he relayed the story of the past few weeks. The way she had become distracted, their relationship had been crumbling; now he looked back at it. When he finally got to that night, he couldn't hold the tears back. His head in his hands and the tears dropped endlessly on to the carpet. Adam sat next to him on the sofa, rubbing his back and holding strongly on to his shoulder, an anchor that kept Harry on track. " I picked up the telephone, she was on the other end, her voice was shaking and then she said it, she'd been seeing some one else," 

"Aw mate, I'm so sorry." No wonder he was so upset, it was obvious to anyone who saw them together that he adored her.

"Then I hung up."

"God I didn't know, Do you want a drink?" He didn't know what to say, a strong one seemed the best option, for him as well as Harry. "Do you… want to talk about it?"

"That's why I'm here. I went round to her house, one last time. You know to collect my things and sort of say good bye. I trashed it." He sobbed again at the memory of the anger he had felt and the guilt he now couldn't keep from his consciousness. "There was a message on the answer phone." Adam sat back down and Harry accepted the drink. "I played it, I don't know why, call it instinct. The message on there." He downed the drink and slammed it down on the coffee table causing Adam to jump and the glass to break. Blood started to pour down his hand. "God I'm sorry." Adam got up then returned with a tea towel and a fresh drink. Harry wound the tea towel round his hand and carried on. "The message… she's in trouble, she said the man John Phillips," he spat "had a file on her, and on me, pictures and stuff. The only people who take files on dirty weekends are people like us. Spooks, the company, you know."

"You think she's been lured out there? By CIA?"

"Maybe not CIA, 6 possibly, and yes lured, maybe I'm making excuses, but she is naïve and its very possible she's been hoodwinked into believing someone."

"Your not making excuses, she is, and if she's not been happy, sorry mate, but if she wasn't then that's going to make it a hell of a lot easier." Harry hung his head again, Adam was confirming his every thought. The tea towel was soaked now blood seeped through the cloth, causing red splatters to appear on the white fabric. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. She's broken me again but I can't just leave her if she's in trouble."

"No I know, I know."

They sat there, drinks in hand thinking for a few hours.

"You could go down there, find her."

"I could but they know who I am, and who she is and what we are. I cant just go careering I there."

"We'll set up an operation then."

"I'm not sure I want this all over the grid either. You know, the gossip is bad enough without being cheated on and not noticing."

"Right, No, so just me and you then?"

"And Malcolm, I think we'll need some technical support."

"Right I'll get him here and fill him in, you go home and sleep. You'll need your wits about you tomorrow."

Harry stood up and walked silently to the door. He turned just before he opened it "Thanks Adam, I need someone to be strong now. I feel like I'm not me anymore. She was a part of my soul and it's gone now. I… Thanks"

"I know mate, believe me I understand" They shared a moment, a secret smile, a tormented frown, a weakness they both knew.

Harry had left and Adam called Malcolm to fill him in. They all sat in their respective living rooms, drinks in hand, taking in the night, working out the situation, planning their attack, defence and rebuke.


	7. Chapter 7

Not the best of chapters but enjoy x

* * *

**"I could never be the same here  
Something that I could never arise  
I could never look away  
I lost myself in you!  
It's all over now!"  
Red**

The mobile ringing on the table in front of him brought him out of his reverie filled with memories and smiles. He jumped slightly as it rang spilling a little of the amber liquid that filled his glass. He reached over for and answered it.

"Yes" he said hoarsely.

"Harry its Adam, where are you?"

"At home why?"

"I've been trying to call you for the last two hours"

"Sorry I took the phone off the hook after Ruth's phone call last night," he winced "I mustn't have put it back on"

"Right, well I asked Malcolm to trace Ruth's mobile, she is at a place called the Mason, and it is in Oxford. We checked their computer and the only name we recognise, not that that says much because they could be using a legend, the only name that's out of place is Mace, Mr. and Mrs. Mace are booked in for two nights, room 201."

"So what do we do now?" Harry had sat there since he arrived home last night and still didn't have any ideas. His mind hadn't really been on track. He had been skimming through their life together 5 years he had known her. The first four had been as colleagues but the last one, the last one had been more, had been a wonderful alternative, he had thought.

"Well we need to find out who this man is and why he's lured her there."

"And how do we do that?" Harry rubbed his head as he always did when faced with a situation he didn't like.

"Well we set it up like any other op. We put surveillance on the room, try and get video or photographic evidence of who he is to do a face match, we find his weakness and bring the bastard down."

"Ok, so where do you want me?"

"Harry, have you slept?"

"No"

"Then I want you to stay at home until you have, you're no use to us if you're not on top form."

"You expect me to stay at home, when Ruth's out there in danger?"

"Not at all but that's what I have to say. So Malcolm and I will be out side in half an hour, change your clothes get a wash and be ready."

* * *

There must have been something on the breakfast he fed her because the next thing she knew she was spread-eagled on the bed, now handcuffed to each corner of it. She could see him in the corner he was murmuring something into his mobile, she couldn't hear what, but she could hardly hear at all. There was a slight buzzing and a pounding, she guessed it was the remnants of what ever drug he had given her. It was a very weird feeling she couldn't move her body, she couldn't hear properly and she could only move her eyes. He noticed she was awake and walked slowly over to her.

"See you shouldn't mess with the best." He sneered. "We always win."

She wanted to tell him he didn't know who he was dealing with, Section D were the best and if Harry had anything to do with it he would never walk or see daylight again. She hoped to god Harry had got her message and felt a pang in her heart. She loved him, she really did, she had been so, so stupid. And what for? Why? Because she had enjoyed the danger of another man. Why couldn't she just be happy? All she wanted was for Harry to come careering through the door and scoop her up in his arms, but she knew it wouldn't happen. He knew the dangers of that.

* * *

Adam and Malcolm pulled up out side Harry's house to see him standing waiting in the window.

"He's not taking this well then?" Malcolm asked.

"Who would? The love of your life cheats on you for months and then you find out it was all a honey trap and she's been captured putting her life in danger and even though she's broken your heart you just cant leave her there?."

"Hmm I suppose your right." Adam glared at him. Maybe he hadn't been the best one to ask along? But then with no Colin he was the only one.

Harry slid into the back seat, slammed the car door and off they drove.

"So….What now?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"We drive to this hotel and as secretly as possible find out who that bastard is" Adam replied from the front.

They spent the rest of the journey in silence, until they pulled up out side. Adam turned to Harry. "You stay here, he's probably expecting you to turn up, Malcolm and I will go in and set up some rooms. Oh your legend, who do you want to be this time? I presume you've brought one with you?

"Yes, I'm Henry Pointer, It was" he coughed "her favourite".


	8. Chapter 8

hey guys. long and winding chapter not much happens but it needs it...you'll see enjoy and R&R x

ps merry xmas!

* * *

**"Your love is a place for a lonely man  
With too much in his head  
The liars and thieves who cramp your style  
Won't be there for your last breath"  
Ed Harcourt**

Adam and Malcolm returned after about half an hour.

"There's a back entrance I think you should go in that way, they might have surveillance looking for you. If they know who Ruth is they will almost certainly know you." Harry nodded and slipped out of the car. Adam handed him a key "203".

Malcolm was busy finding their own surveillance equipment in the boot.

"It's a good job they think we're photographers, this could look really suspicious." He murmured.

"And booking a double room didn't?" Adam chuckled at the look on Malcolm's face.

"Great, so now we look even dodgier." He shook his head as he started making his way back to the hotel.

"I thought you liked dodgy?" Adam said just loud enough for Malcolm to hear. Malcolm spun round to see Adam with one eye brow cocked. "It was a joke." Adam dead panned, making his way up the steps.

Harry made his way through the kitchens, a few wry stares followed him but mostly he was ignored. He found himself in the staff stair well. Taking that the room was 203 he guessed it would be on the second floor and started to climb.

He hadn't gone far when he heard a voice, he stopped dead so not to alert his presence but soon realised this wasn't just another bus boy skiving.

"They've just arrived…..The Lexus was a dead give away, then they started to unload camera equipment, you'd think 5 would be a little more subtle…" ah so it was an agency and by the sounds of the man it was their non-so friendly counterpart, 6. Harry groaned inwardly, this made things harder, but then nothing was simple any more. "…No he didn't seem to be with them, but the bitch started to wake up so I had to leave the window…" the bitch. Harry could feel the anger rising inside him, he wanted to confront this cheat now but quickly decided that wasn't the best course of action. "…no I'm sure he will come you haven't seen them together, he adores her, thankfully for us she held less adoration." Harry's heart sank. He knew it must be true for her to come away with someone other than him but he was desperately hoping there was a different, less heart breaking explanation. "…I know what I have to do, He won't leave the building again once he gets here." The man snapped his phone shut and with a few steps was gone. Well at least they knew he was the target not Ruth, he didn't know if that was comforting or worrying.

He sighed and made his way up to the second landing, he carefully peered round the door t make sure no one saw him emerging and quickly found room 203, letting himself in he found the other two sitting intensely with headphones on. They removed them and he recounted what he had heard.

She stirred again, what ever he was giving her wasn't that effective. It only knocked her out for a few hours at a time. Now she wasn't shackled anymore instead she was just laid on the bed. Her body hurt as she tried to move it, first she stretched her arms, the pain was like none she had felt before, she couldn't describe it, it wasn't an ache or a sharp pain, but it defiantly hurt to move. She lay still, her eyes coming in and out of focus, she didn't know if it was the drug or the lack of sleep or just her flailing eye sight. He noticed her stir and made his way over to the bed. "Looks like a cavalry are here. Two men just arrived not your lover though so I need you to get him here. He pulled her to a sitting position and dialled a number she knew only too well in to her mobile. She tried to reach to hold it to her ear but her muscles couldn't do it, he pushed it against her ear instead. "Make it believable" he sneered.

His phone rang for a few seconds before he registered that the voice they had just heard telling her she was going to ring someone meant him. He picked it up, hoping they wouldn't hear the tone in the next room.

"Answer it" Adam urged.

"Harry Pearce." He said. Tears welled up when she heard his voice. So steady and calm, maybe he didn't care after all. No, she knew him better than that, he was pretending. She hoped to god he was with whoever had turned up before; she knew he wouldn't leave this up to anyone else.

"Harry" Her voice shook and his heart leapt. He had known it was her, but hearing her voice confirmed she was still alive.

"Ruth, what's wrong? Are you alright?" He asked keeping up the pretence.

"Its all gone wrong Harry I need you to come and get me, please, I know I don't deserve it but, please." She managed to say it all before the tears began to fall.

"Ok," he breathed. He pulled the phone away from her ear and hung up.

"Very good, I guess not everyone at 5 is incompetent." Her breath ragged as she kept crying. He let go of her and she flopped back down on to the bed, unable to hold her own weight. He crossed the room and returned with a needle. She tried desperately to fight him off but she couldn't muster the strength. The needle entered her blood stream and the liquid spread through her body, warming as it went. She could feel her self drifting slowly back into oblivion, her eyes closing and her body relaxing.

All was quiet now, that was worrying. Malcolm looked up Adam was subconsciously biting his lip and Harry was rubbing his forehead. He removed his headphones.

"Shall we run his voice?" he asked Harry "he might be on our system. Failing that we can do a photo fit Harry."

"Yes, I'm not sure I'll be much help, I only got a quick glance. Adam keep listening, I want to know if there's so much as a pin drop in that room. Actually can't we get a camera in there?"

"No the walls are too old, perfect place to come if you don't want to be spied on, were just using the micro chip in Ruth's phone to manipulate the speaker and mic to pick up any sound in the remote area, short of actually getting into the room we can't get any cameras in there."

"What about the window?"

"Curtains are drawn, I checked from out side when we were coming in."

"Oh right."


	9. Chapter 9

The long awaited next chapter, bit long and more action filled...hope you enjoy! R&R x

oh this is for Gem's a sort of pressie for her big news throws glitter.

* * *

**"Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth,**

**Mid sweet talk news paper word cut outs, **

**speak no feeling."**

**Imogen Heap**

"Mark Johnston!" Malcolm exclaimed bringing Harry from his thoughts. "His name is Mark Johnston." He pointed repeatedly at the screen.

"Do we know who he is?" Harry asked.

"I'll run him through our link files." Malcolm hit a few buttons and a file popped up, he began to read. "Mark Johnston, used to be MI-6, was decommissioned for shooting an innocent, just before Mace was brought down actually. He is now a hit man for hire apparently and no prizes for guessing what he's up to now."

"So Mace hired him to shoot Ruth? But that doesn't make sense he would have don't it by now." Adam interjected.

"I don't think Ruth's the target" Malcolm said turning to look at Harry who was sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"So it's me he wants, what a horrible way to get to me, so normal though. Why didn't I see it?" He said muffled by his hands he shook himself and got up starting to pace. "So we need this man alive then, I will have to resist the temptation to kill him." He joked but realised it really wasn't funny.

"They've been in there for almost 24 hours now, at the longest he will think he has another 24 hours, given you wont be expecting her home until then, that is if he thinks you haven't got the message and he hasn't seen us." Malcolm paused for a breath. "So we have a good few hours to do this properly."

Harry had begun to pace, Adam was playing with his wedding ring and Malcolm was tapping away on the computer. It had been three hours since they had found out who the man was. Adam had cleared the hotel of other guests, thankfully there were only eight other people staying so it didn't look too suspicious. They had the whole place bugged too, they had managed to do everything very inconspicuously. Malcolm was indeed a master at his game. Adam had set up a legend and booked himself into another room, so he could pose as a normal guest and Harry had been going stir crazy locked in the room where next door anything could have happened to her and he couldn't help.

"Right." Said Adam finally, "I think its time to put this into action." Malcolm stood and disappeared into the bathroom, returning a minute later dressed in a white suit, he was posing as room service, or rather a chamber maid, but he didn't like that terminology. "Your trolley is down the hall, three doors on the left, you know what to do. I'll cover you and Harry will be listening to everything." Malcolm disappeared and Adam turned to Harry. He placed one hand on his shoulder. "I won't let anything happen to her mate." He smiled and squeezed his shoulder before turning for the door. Harry wished he could be sure of that. He hoped she was alright, she had hurt him, yes but that didn't mean he stopped worrying about her as soon as he found out. He sat on the edge of the bed and delved into his coat pocket. He pulled out a gun, he wasn't supposed to have it but all high ranking spooks had a secret stash of weapons, that was common knowledge in the force. He had brought it along, just in case, a hit-man seemed to cover that.

"Harry, Adam. I'm ready." Malcolm said over the radio.

"Go."

"Go." Both replied and Harry heard Malcolm knock on the door. No answer, he knocked again. "House keeping" he called, still no answer. Harry had an awful feeling, and so did Adam it seemed.

"Er excuse me, I was wondering if you could replace the towels in my room, mate" He heard Adam say.

"Certainly" Malcolm replied. Both entered the room a second later.

"This is too easy." Adam said as soon as the door closed. "I've got a new plan."

"Oh?"

"Harry, this man is counting on you coming after Ruth, yes?" Harry nodded, he had an idea where this was going. "Well we give the man what he wants then."

"You mean, pretend I'm coming after her so he will put himself at risk to complete his operation?"

"Exactly. Do you think it will work? For instance if he sees me arrive and I lure him out of the room, do you think we could get in? Or do you think he expects me to go careering in there hoping to catch her with her knickers down?" He gulped once he had finished, more at the faces staring back at him than the words he had uttered. Both men looked suitably worried about their so called leader.

"I think the first option would be better" Malcolm stuttered.

"Yes so we need to get you out, have you drive back in and make a bit of fuss so he will leave her in the room but keep you safe at the same time, then we can get in and make sure Ruth is alright." Adam confirmed. They sat and devised a plan, a simple one, but it was still a plan.

* * *

Around an hour later Harry pulled up out side the hotel for the second time that day. He tried to stay calm and hurried himself inside. He flashed a glance over the hotel as he went, catching sight of a man in the window he knew was the room, he knew he had been seen. Good he thought, their plan was going well so far. 

Inside Malcolm was still listening to what was going on in the room, he could hear footsteps moving across the room then a creak, he must has sat on the bed. There had been no speech in the room since Ruth had phoned Harry.

"If only you were alive to see your lover brought down, If you can still hear me I hope your screaming inside at your naiveté" Malcolm gulped, if he understood correctly, Ruth wasn't going to make it through this debacle. They needed to move fast but he didn't want to compromise Harry any more by telling him what he had just heard.

"Malcolm, Harry's arrived we need to get going on this." Malcolm nodded. "I'm going to back Harry up, you hack into the thermal imager and track mine and Harry's mobiles, I need to know exactly what is happening. If anything goes wrong, you need to get to Ruth."

"Adam" he said quietly "I don't think there's much point in me going after Ruth, it would be more help if I came after you."

"What are you saying Malcolm"

" Johnston just left the room, he basically talked to her as if she were dead."

"Shit, don't tell Harry, there's still a chance she's alive but we need back up. Stick to us, once we have him, we can sort out Ruth."

Malcolm nodded and turned back to his laptop. Harry had made his way to the back of the building, a stair well up to the higher floors, it wasn't the fastest way to the rooms, but Harry wasn't supposed to know the ins and outs of the building. They had also decided it was the safest area to carry out the operation, plenty of dimly lit areas to hide in. He focussed the thermal imager on the building, they only had eight minutes before it would have to be relocated, he hoped they could work fast.

8Minutes- He located the room they were in and subsequently the room Ruth and Johnston were in. he watched Johnston put something in his pocket, the item was blurred by the heat of his body but he was pretty sure it was a gun. He saw him leave the room with one last glance over his shoulder at Ruth. He signalled to Adam to leave the room once Johnston was at the end of the corridor.

Adam knew he needed to be careful, Johnston had no idea where Harry would be, there were three stair ways up to the floor and one lift. They had agreed not to use the lift and he suspected Johnston would work this out.

7Minutes-Malcolm watched as the mark made his way to the lifts, pressing both buttons to ensure they would come to that floor, he waited until the doors opened then pressed too more buttons, they sped on up with out Johnston. He was making sure Harry could not use them. He turned back and walked down the corridor.

6Minutes-"Adam" Malcolm said more alarmed than Adam wanted to hear. "You need to move Johnston's coming right for you. He will probably know you. You need to move. He will be on you in three seconds." There was no where to go. He looked frantically round for a door a hidey hole, anything.

"Ah, Mr Carter, I see my little female friend alerted you all when she phoned her boss, or should i say ex-boss." Adam gulped; he had just compromised the whole operation. Johnston lunged forward bringing his gun handle down on top of Adams head. He fell to the floor, not yet unconscious he wasn't going to give up without a fight.

Malcolm gasped as Adam fell to the floor, but silently cheered as he watched him swing his legs round bringing his attacker to the floor. They grappled on the floor for a few seconds before Adam brought his fist down, punching Johnston in the cheek. Johnston returned the favour, cracking Adams head against the door frame they were up against. Adam stopped struggling.

4Minutes- Malcolm scanned the screen, spotted Harry and patched himself through, "Adams down, and Johnston's coming for you, we don't have any more back up, do you want me to cover you?" Johnston was moving to the first set of stairs, he ran down them.

"No Malcolm I need you to be my eyes, as soon as he's on top of me come and find us but until them I need you to tell me what's going on." Malcolm replied positively, informing Harry that Johnston was headed for the set of stairs he was in. They needed to be quick the thermal imager only had 3 minutes left, if they didn't hurry they would be blind.

Harry had positioned himself half way between the first and second floor. "OK. He's in the stair well." Harry walked down the few steps and took the door to the first floor corridor just in time for Johnston to see him disappear. "He's following" Malcolm reassured. Harry took a glass door that lead to the leisure complex within the hotel, risking a glance back he caught his first real glimpse of the man who was trying to kill him, who had already killed him. "You need to hurry Harry, we only have two minutes left. The pool is to your right." As soon as Harry got through the door he ran the edge of the pool, trying to vacate the room before Johnston entered it. He heard the door click behind him and froze, there was no way he could get out quick enough. He spun on his heals to face his enemy. He took him in, tall, dark hair, chiselled jaw line, defined features, broad shoulders and large hands. Hands that were pointing a gun directly at his chest.

"There's no where to run Harry. You try to escape I'll shoot you in the back, undignified don't you think. To be assassinated while you try to flee in fear. Your other option is to die in a more dignified manner." Johnston was closing the gap between them, Harry couldn't focus his mind, he had no way out, was about to be shot and all the could think was that this bastard had slept with Ruth. She still penetrated his psyche even in his last moments, even after she had betrayed him and lured him here and broken his heart. "Harry what's going on? The thermal imagers stopped and" Malcolm's voice brought him back to earth. "I can't hear what's happening, there must be some sort of interference down there. If you can hear me get out of there." His ear piece started to crackle he tried to block it out and concentrate on how the hell he was going to get out of this alive.

Suddenly the lights when out, Harry reacted quickly and dived into the pool, he was safer in the water he knew that. He heard a gun shot as he resurfaced, it hit the water but not him. He dived back under heading for what he hoped was the edge nearest the door. He didn't know what was happening above, if he could be seen under there or if his attacker was headed for the same exit, all he could do was hope. He came back out of the water when his arm hit the edge. He could see a shaft of light coming from the door way, this was his best bet. He pushed himself swiftly up on the side, spinning him self round to try and gage where Johnston was, He heard another shot, it hit the wall just behind him. He stayed low to the floor and edged his was forward. Another shot, this one closer but still not accurate. He would have to be quick if he wanted to get out alive. He lunged at the door, pushing it open as he dove through the door way. He quickly re-adjusted to the light and pushed himself to his feet, he chanced a quick glance back, a figure was advancing to the door. Harry ran down the corridor, desperate to get away. He turned the into the corridor and pushed himself back into a door way. Malcolm appeared at the other end. He opened his mouth to speak but Harry shook his head and gestured for him to take up the same position as he. They heard the door slam open and foot steps approaching. Johnston appeared at the edge of the corridor, he turned to face Harry, the gun raised. Harry had no choice but to close his eyes and hope in vain.

A shot rang out down the corridor.


	10. Chapter 10

okies...dedicated to WRW this time as she gave me back a little confidence and beta'd for me :) ta x

ps ... please dont throw things at me thank x

**

* * *

"It's been a good year for the roses  
And many blooms still linger there  
Funny, I don't even care  
And when you turn to walk away  
As the door behind you closes  
The only thing I know to say  
It's been a good year for the roses"**

**Lorrie Morgan**

Harry braced himself, closing his eyes and tensing his muscles against the pain. His eyes flicked open as he heard a groan. It didn't come from him. Johnston had dropped to the floor, his back and the walls splattered with blood. Harry lifted his gaze and saw Malcolm pointing the gun in his attackers direction, arms out straight, legs apart, eyes closed.

"Malcolm," Harry breathed.

Malcolm opened his eyes, gulping at the scene before him. "I killed him."

Harry nodded. "Thank you"

"What for?"

"You just saved my life"

"Right" Malcolm whispered.

Harry leant down to check Johnston's pulse, and nodded to Malcolm. "Ruth and Adam need us. But first we need to move this, can you take his legs?" Malcolm took the dead wait of his legs as Harry picked him up by the shoulders. They staggered to the lifts, glad Adam had cleared the hotel. The last thing they needed was to be seen dragging a dead man through the building. They reached their room a few minutes later and laid Johnston on the bed, face down then covered him with another sheet.

"Right, you go and find Adam, make sure he's ok. If he isn't red flash me and phone an ambulance." Harry said steadying a shaking Malcolm by placing his hand on his shoulder. "I'm going to see Ruth"

"Harry…" Malcolm trailed off. He didn't want to tell Harry what he heard but he didn't want him to go in to the room and find her like that.

"Malcolm?" Harry didn't like his tone. Malcolm's eyes dropped to the floor. "What's wrong?"

"I heard Johnston talking to her; he said "if she were alive" I think he gave her something…." He didn't have a chance to finish, Harry had bolted out of the room half way through Malcolm's sentence.

Harry was out side the other room before he had heard all of what Malcolm had said. Ruth couldn't be dead. He couldn't have killed her. He wouldn't. Would he? Harry wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. His hand went instinctively for the door handle, he turned it already knowing it would be locked. He reached into his pocket taking out a lock pick, a habit he picked up in his early field work days, he always carried it. He slowly inserted it into the lock, trying to find the nooks and crannies. Malcolm appeared at his side.

"Here, let me" he said taking the little piece of metal from him. A few seconds later the door sprung open a little. Both men stood stock still. The anticipation of what they might find inside too much. Malcolm moved to push the door open but stopped as Harry's hand met his. "I should do this. You go and find Adam" Malcolm nodded and turned to leave.

Harry pushed the door slightly just enough to survey a little of the room. A little at a time. He could see her shoes at the edge of the bed and a towel flung on the floor. He pushed it further, now he could see part of the bed, a hand and a foot, bruises and blood. He held his breath as he pushed some more. She came fully into view now. Sprawled across the bed, shades of purple and blue coving her body, her red dress ripped from her frame. Her hair spread unceremoniously above her head, a strand or two covering her face. She wasn't moving. He watched her for a few seconds, she didn't look like she was breathing. He could feel tears prickling behind his eyes but quickly quashed them. He didn't cry, never. He took a step forward, he could see her properly now. Her body was bruised, her limbs limp. He held so much contempt for her before he had entered the room. He hated her, she had cheated on him, she had abused his trust more than any one before. She had been with another man when she was supposed to be faithful to him. But now seeing her so vulnerable, so lifeless, so dead. Dead. She was never coming back. He gulped. He couldn't comprehend a life without her. He had had to contemplate that at one point, the point that had lead to this terrible situation. He hadn't been able to do it then and certainly couldn't do it now. He had seen people go off the rails when a loved one died, he knew he would. He knew he couldn't carry on with out her, yet he should be able to. Even if she had come out of this alive he would have had to endure a life without her. There would have been no future in their relationship anyway, not after what she had done. She would have had to convince him he could trust her again, and Harry knew he wasn't an easy man to win round.

He was stood over the bed now and could see the full extent of her injuries. The bruises got worse the higher up her legs they were, there were scratches on her thighs and cuts over her chest. He could even see where he had been injecting her, using the same patch of skin had caused it to inflame. She was pale, paler than he had ever seen anyone, apart from her wounds. He sat on the edge of the bed, and moved the strands of hair from her face, praying she would flinch as he touched her. She didn't. Next he ran is finger up her arm, her skin was uneven; he ran his finger over her wrist, to her elbow then back down. He lingered at her wrist, it seemed smaller now. He took her hand in his, his other around her wrist. At first he thought he imagined it, he blinked in surprise and shook him self. Then he felt it again. A flicker beneath her skin. No. Yes. He felt it again, her pulse, it was defiantly a pulse. He pulled her up towards him so she was lying across his lap; he pushed his fingers to her neck. There was defiantly something there, a very slow pulse. She was still alive.

A sense of relief washed over him, he let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. His heart had leapt when he felt it. He didn't have to live with out her, was all he could think.

He pulled out his mobile and dialled for an ambulance.

"Malcolm" he said into his mic "She's alive" he heard an equal let out of breath through his ear piece. "How's Adam?" Harry asked.

"He's alright, a bit concussed but he'll be fine"

"I've called for an ambulance. I'll contact you when its here and we can all go."

Harry cradled her in his arms, tears began to trickle down his face. He tried to remind himself that he didn't cry, but the tears just kept flowing. He couldn't believe how close he had come to losing her again. He never wanted her to die, he didn't want her not to always be around, not to walk the earth. Even if they couldn't make up, he would rather she were still there, alive than gone from the world all together.


	11. Chapter 11

Ok heres the next chappie for Gems before she goes away sniff, for kate for her persistance and for Em my wonderful beta (who also pointed out what a muppet I am!)

Ta x Enjoy and R&R x

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_1.2.3.4.5.6.7. 1.2.3.4.5.6.7. 1.2.3.4.5.6.7. 1.2.3.4.5.6.7. 1.2.3.4.5.6.7. 1.2.3.4.5.6.7._

Harry had been pacing for longer than he could fathom. There was something about that simple sequence of steps that, with time, made him feel better. Whenever his paces took him to the door through to triage, he would stop and look up, expectantly, hoping some one would come running through to tell him, _no_ the world wasn't ending and _yes_ she was fine. He was doing this now, stood waiting, weighing up the likeliness that if he turned round to start another sequence of steps that some one would come running through. He did it each time, hoping that if he wasn't watching the door it would some how miraculously open. _A watched pot never boils_ came to mind and he turned on his heels. Ruth had said to him once that he paced, he had never noticed it until now. Pacing was supposed to help you forget everything or work things out, this time Harry was failing to do either. He had no idea why Oliver Mace would want to kill him. Well, that wasn't true. He could think of a million reasons why, but why now? That was what he couldn't work out. Why now? The other question he couldn't fathom the answer to was what he was going to do about Ruth? He needed to know why she did it, but then what? Did he leave her? Did he stay? Could he trust her if he did? Did she still want him to? What would he tell Adam and Malcolm? If they didn't stay together, did he sack her? Then lose everything all in one foul swoop?

Too many questions. He was back looking at the door, staring at its clinical frame, the metallic handle, the frosted glass and the green shiny no-entry signs.

"Harry" he had forgotten Malcolm was sat on the horrible blue plastic chairs. "You really should go home and get some rest, you've not slept for three days, when she wakes up she'll need you there but you're no use to any one in the state you are."

Harry had lost him at "when" he couldn't get past the hope that she was still there with both of them.

"Malcolm. How long have you known Ruth?" Harry walked over to the chairs and sat, one away from his colleague, giving them both a little space. Malcolm breathed in, deep and heavy, and looked at his hands. He didn't really want to broach this subject, not now, but he knew it would take Harry's mind off what had just happened.

"It was 1989 at a college party in Oxford. Her friend Gemma, we had been good friends, we grew up together, she invited me along. Ruth was sat in a corner, the only one there with a glass of wine in her hand, that's why I first went over, the beer was god-awful." He chuckled to himself, chancing a glance at Harry he saw a small smile playing across his face. He could tell he was still in love with her, he didn't think that would change, not even after what had happened. He forced the thoughts from his head and carried on. "I sat down next to her. She gave me one quick glance and, I think, decided I wasn't worth talking to. I'd already drunk a bit with Gemma before we got to the party and missed her subtle brush off so tried to start a conversation. I wasn't really interested in her, not that way anyway." He said in response to Harry's raised eyebrow. "I just didn't want to have to drink the beer. I some how managed to get her into a conversation about the wine and she offered me a glass. We just talked from there, I think she thought I was seeing Gemma, it seemed to make her more comfortable knowing I was attached. I wasn't though, I just let her think that. I never did that again, I always said it, 'what did I learn from Ruth?' 'Never to let a person assume something that's false, they think its worse then lying'. She was really angry when she found out about my little untruth. She went to talk to someone else and saw Gemma with another girl. She shouted at me across the party. If I hadn't been so drunk we would have hit it off better." He shook his head slightly, wishing this was an altogether better memory. It just reminded him how he took her for granted, took their friendship for granted. "I saw her a few more times when I went to visit Gemma, we got on so well. Gemma was intellectual, funny and interesting, but Ruth was something else. She had a spark, something that made her stand out from the crowd. I was never interested in her in any other way than friendship but she captivated me. Soon I was making excuses to travel up there. The year after we met I sold my share of WhizzFizz and joined MI-5. We kept in touch Christmas cards and such. Then she arrived on the grid." He turned to Harry who was now sat with his head in his hands again. "How did you first meet her? What did you think of her?" Harry looked up, a slight pain in his eyes.

"The first time I met her was when I fell for her. We had been looking for an analyst for months, years even, we knew someone was needed, some one who was special. The powers that be came to me with her file, they has conducted research on her. She was the GCHQ star but was obviously tired of working for works sake. She had requested a secondment and I needed an analyst, I went through her file, the more I read the more intoxicated I became by her. The transcripts of conversations captivated me; her back ground was so tragic yet it was evident that she had used it to become stronger. I was falling for someone I had never seen a picture of, let alone met." Harry stood up again, taking two steps from the seat. He rubbed his forehead, keeping his back to Malcolm. "The first day I met her, well, she bowled me over. I knew she was coming but I was knocked back when she arrived. She was gorgeous as well as intelligent." He turned. "I'm not saying I planned what happened, or picked her because of how I felt, she was perfect for the job, just perfect." Malcolm nodded. He knew Harry didn't let his emotions cloud his judgement, even today he had done what was best for the operation, rather than what he knew he wanted to do. "I was never sure how she felt about me, but how I felt for her never changed. It was Juliet who first made me ask her to dinner you know? Just after her accident, I've never properly thanked her." He stopped for a few seconds, pondering what he had just said.

Malcolm raised his head. "What are you going to do now?"

"I have no idea. I still love her, I think I always will. But by societies standards I shouldn't. I should be outraged, never want to see her again, want to leave her and find some one who will treat me better." He flopped back down into the chair and screwed up his eyes. "But I don't, I want to run in there and scoop her up in my arms, tell her everything will be alright, that I'll never leave her and hold her forever. I don't want to lose her Malcolm," he sighed, "but I don't know what to do."

They sat in silence. Malcolm left and returned coffee in hand, and both sat un-drunk beside its owner. Harry glanced at the clock: they had been there six hours. He picked up his cold stale coffee and downed it in one. There was a noise at the end of the corridor and a young nurse was making her way up to them. She stopped a few metres from Harry.

"Mr. Pearce?" She asked. Harry looked up at her, she looked tired and stressed, . _NHS_ he thought to himself. This nurse held a concern he didn't often see in peoples faces now-a-days. He made a note of her name, Tas. _Funny name_ he thought, wondering if it was her full name or a short for something.

"Yes" Harry nodded eventually.

"Are you here for Miss. Evans?"

"Yes, how is she?"

"Recovering, . she She was had ingested a cocktail of drugs. The amounts of each were small: alone they wouldn't have affected her, but the fact she took them together meant she was highly taci-hycardic when she arrived, . we We momentarily lost her but she's back and doing much better. We need to keep her in in-defiantlyindefinitely but she should be fine." Harry breathed a sigh of relief, . he He didn't really know why, that wasn't good news, but under the circumstances it was all he had hoped for.

"And Mr. Crane?" Harry asked.

"Oh Alex?" She blushed slightly, it seemed Adam had made a bit of an impression on her. "He will be able to go home tonight, can you take him?"

Malcolm nodded. Both men sat back down in their chairs, took a deep breath and smiled slightly. Everything was going to be alright, at least for tonight.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks Em you are a star!!!**

**Ps this will be finishing soon due to lack of time in the country! **

**enjoy x**

**pps edited slaps head i'm a muppet!**

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**"He tried hard to help me  
You know"**

**Joni Mitchell**

It was a week since she left the hospital and she wished she was back there.

_Harry had sat by her every night, so the nurse told her. She didn't see him; he didn't let her. He came once she was asleep and left before she woke up. The nurse, Tas, had also told her he had paid for a private room and checked up on her twice a day. He seemed to be something of a hit with her. She smiled when ever she mentioned his name. He did always have a way with women. Tas had told her she was lucky to have him: he was a 'sweetie', a 'real catch', 'one for life', and 'very unfortunate his job kept him away in the day'. He was all those things and she knew it. She wished she was back in that hospital bed, at least he would still be with her, even if he didn't let her know._

_His visits gave her hope: undue hope, undeserved hope but hope nonetheless. She didn't deserve to have him sit with her. She didn't deserve for him to think about her. She didn't deserve anything. She had done too much, gone too far and needed to pay the price. She had paid the price and still was. She couldn't remember what had happened. She couldn't remember what had made her do it. She couldn't remember…either that or she didn't want to. _

_The two days were a blur. Adam had filled her in but she knew he left some out. She felt different; she could tell what he had done to her. The marks on her body gave it away, the pain she felt too. It didn't bother her, oddly. There was nothing she could do now, nothing she could have done then - except maybe not have let herself get into such a situation. But there was nothing she could have done right at the time. Before it, yes, during it, no. They said the drugs he gave her meant she probably wouldn't remember it fully anyway, so there was no need to dwell. She did want to know though, about the mess she got herself in to. Adam told her what he could or, rather, what he thought he should. She could tell. It was obvious through the gaps in the story and, so, she asked Malcolm and through his loyalty he had been frank. He recounted the fear, anger, humiliation; the worry and panic he had seen; the loss. These where the terms he used. She knew they related to Harry more than him. He didn't say so, not explicitly, but in his face she could see what he was trying to get across. He had told her what he said though. He recounted the loss of love he had talked of and, more than anything, the loss of faith_

_The last bit had made her cry. He tried to comfort her, which made it worse. She was back to 'deserving' again and she didn't deserve his comfort. She cried long, wracking sobs and he had left her, eventually. _

_She didn't understand how or why she did it. She had ideas and notions. _

_The excitement, the pleasure, the fear and the adrenaline. The kiss, the street, the hands - his hands. His eyes, his face, his voice, their debates, his behaviour. The risk, the hurt, the sorrow, and now the loss. She didn't know how, she didn't understand, yet she had done it. _

_She loved him; the silent man, the strong one, the one who she hurt, the one who held her. She knew. She had been told and she'd felt it: his arms were around her. She could feel through the drugs, through the state she was in. Something had been there in her mind; a security, a soul, a pair of arms. She could remember feeling it, something she clung to through the haze. At least that's what she thought she felt. She confused herself._

She was clutching a pillow now, in her living room.

_Her_ living room, void of the one thing she wanted there. She found he had removed his possessions when she arrived home. It had been obvious straight away, there was emptiness: it could have been the house, or it could have been her.

She had to face it tomorrow; everything she had been hiding from in her little world; everything she never wanted to face yet needed so much. She didn't actually know how people would react. _Sympathy?...but she had done it to her self. Would they be judgemental? To her face or behind her back? _She didn't want to know yet. She wanted this semblance of normal again, she wanted to be there she really did, but before all this, before she messed her world up, her perfect world.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks to Em my wonderful beta and to the rest of the POGs for encouraging me and giving me ideas!**

**Love to all xxx**

**ps I apologise for it being so terribly angsty but enjoy and R&R x**

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She walked in to his office knowing she had to do this. The files were gripped to her chest, her knuckles white.

"Harry" she whispered almost silently. He didn't say anything but looked up at her, a strange cold look in his eyes. She could feel her nerve failing, but stepped forward anyway. "I need you to sign these" she said, still whispering, she couldn't find the confidence to raise her voice.

"Speak up" he said bluntly.

"I…I…"She took a deep breath. "I need you to sign these."

"Well I can't sign them if you don't give them to me." He said it forcefully, more forcefully than he had expected. He saw her quiver with every word. She closed her eyes for a second before laying them on his desk. She turned to leave. "Ruth" he said, almost inaudibly before she reached the door, it was almost as if he hadn't meant to say it but she spun round.

"Yes" she replied, looking directly at the carpet in front of his desk. She couldn't look him in the eye; she was too scared of what she might find there. He got up slowly, she didn't see but she could hear. He walked over to the windows and closed the blinds. As he closed each one, a ray of light was extinguished, leaving the office in deathly hues. She looked up, still not meeting his eyes but focusing on his slightly dishevelled shirt instead. He was getting closer to her.

"Ruth" he whispered murderously, leaning in close, his lips almost touching her ear, "I need you" he paused.

Did he really just say that? She didn't believe her ears. She let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding and moved back slightly so they were face to face, barely inches apart.

"To explain" her world crumbled as he continued: she had jumped the gun, counted her chickens, too soon. Her eyes dropped again and she could feel them starting to burn. He walked away, leaning on his desk, hands planted either side of him, out flat - one of his more dominant poses, the one he used to intimidate. He didn't mean to scare her - which he evidently was - but he felt protected and confident. "Why Ruth? Why?"

She let out her first sob as he said her name. She loved how he said it, rolling the r like a purr. Before she knew it she was pinned to the wall.

"Don't you cry!" he shouted. "You don't cry, this is your own fault!" He slapped the wall next to her head as he said it. "This is your fault Ruth."

"I know! I know, I know, Harry. I know." she said loudly, letting them soften as she continued. She turned her head so she couldn't see his face. His hand cupped her chin, bringing her back round to look in his eyes. She couldn't stop the tears from rolling, cascading down her face. When their eyes met, all she saw was how cold they were, the nothingness staring back at her. Where there had once been love there was a blank, glassy look.

"Why Ruth?" he said again, this time with a note of hurt in his voice; hurt rather than anger.

"I don't know" she said eventually, the words catching in the back of her throat. Their eyes still connected, his hand still on her chin.

"You…You …don't know?" he said, she couldn't work out if it was anger or confusion in his voice. His hand slipped from her chin to her throat and his finger tips skimmed over her skin. "You…" he shouted. Definitely anger, she decided as she pushed herself back against the wall, trying desperately to relieve herself of this situation "…don't know?" He was less than an inch away from her, breathing hard, his eyes boring in to her. If she let out the breath she held they would touch, so she held it. She was shaking, and sobbing and she didn't know what to say.

"I …I…I'm sor"

"Don't" he said, turning away. "Don't you dare Ruth, don't you dare tell me you're sorry." She sank to the floor, her back pressing against the wall with each sob that echoed through the office.

"Tell me" he said, dropping down to her level. "Come on, everything, now."

She looked back up at him, only to see him nod and drop onto his bottom, knees bent. "I need to know"

She gulped and drew her knees to her chest, trying desperately to stop the ragged breaths and compose herself enough to talk coherently. How the hell was she going to recount it, how did she make it less hurt full? She gulped and opened her mouth to talk, but nothing came out.

"Ok I'll make it easier for you, when did you meet him?"

"About 6 weeks ago."

Harry took a long, deep breath. It was longer than he thought, and he had thought a lot, in fact he had done nothing but think this week. He was useless in work, only just managing to sign the papers put in front of him marked with an X. He knew he loved her, he knew she had hurt him but he knew he couldn't live without her, the horror that had filled him when he held her lifeless form in his arms was far worse than the feeling of betrayal. He also knew he couldn't let her get away with it and that he had to debrief her.

"Where?" he carried on.

"On the bus." She couldn't look at him, she didn't want to be having this conversation but she knew it had to be done. She also knew this was pretty much a debrief. She had got caught up in an operation and Harry was debriefing her, however personal it was.

Harry had been pacing for the last twenty minutes as he made Ruth recount what had happened, right down to what she could remember about the events in the bedroom. He had sighed when she told him he had picked her up from her house, and blinked repeatedly when she talked about their time on the lake. He had stopped and watched her as she spoke about waking up after he had raped her. He paced when she said she didn't remember it.

It had become easier both to talk about and to listen to as she went on. She finished by telling him what the nurse had said and he came and sat beside her, just far enough away so they weren't touching but close enough that he could feel her presence next to him. He leant his head back against the wall. He didn't know what to make of it. On one hand he had to be professional and consider that she had made a grave mistake and really should be disciplined. It was personal too; she had made a grave mistake, she had cheated on him and had almost got them both killed…but all he wanted to do was reach over and hold her.

She could feel him next to her, but couldn't turn to look at him. She needed to tell him how sorry she was and make him believe her.

"Harry," she whispered. "I'm sorry." She sighed. "That phrase has never been so inadequate, its supposed to be the be-all and end-all but its not, its nothing, its meaningless, people use it so lightly now, they don't think about what it really means," the tears began to roll again but she carried on, "but I am Harry. I've never been so sorry in my life, I've never wanted to turn the clock back so much. I never meant to hurt you, I know it's a cliché but I didn't. I don't know what I did mean really, if I found it fun, exciting or what. There's never been a man I've wanted more, or needed more, or loved more than you. You are the one I love. I can understand if you don't feel the same anymore or never did. I'm not the easiest person to get on with, I know, but I tried, I did, I wanted to make you happy, but I couldn't, I didn't think I was what you wanted, there are so many other women out there that would fall at your feet, someone like you, you could have any one. I couldn't understand why you'd want me. I'm clumsy, moody, I've got one hell of a temper and there are so many more things wrong with me, faults other people don't have…but you were with me. I love you Harry and I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you, but I have, I know I have. No one would stay after what I've done. I don't blame you if you sack me but please know I never wanted to hurt you." She wiped the tear sliding down her cheek only for it to be swiftly replaced by another one. "I'm sorry" she whispered through her tears. What else could she say? "I love you Harry."

She brushed another tear and let her hand drop to her side. She sat, tears flowing, chest heaving, head down. He didn't respond so she decided to do the only other thing she could and leave. She tried to push herself up, laying her hands flat on the ground either side of her.

"Stay" he said, placing his hand over hers.

**THE END**


	14. Epilogue

**I know that was a nasty place to leave it so heres a little extra for you!

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He didn't understand. She didn't understand.

He didn't want to know everything. She couldn't tell him everything.

He tried to trust her again. She did everything she could to help him regain trust.

They tried together to rebuild their relationship.

They talked, and cried, and held their heads high.

People talked in hushed voices, telling him he was wrong, telling her she was wrong.

They didn't care. All that matters is them.

They helped each other through the hard times, through arguments, through depression. They worked together as they had before. They managed to repair their lives, they managed it together.

It was all they wanted to be together, they needed each other and didn't work apart.

They couldn't cope alone, they didn't want to.

There was an empty space that only the other filled.

Their hearts ached when they didn't talk, after an argument and beat fast when they made up.

What else could they do but be together?

That day he had asked her to stay and she had. They stayed together and were happy.

**Definatly the end now!**


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